Magical Muggle
by cuddlepickles1512
Summary: Hagrid brings the wrong Boy-Who-Lived to Hogwarts. What happens when, after two years, the professors realize that Dudley has no magical powers? Where was Harry this whole time? And how will they retrieve the right Chosen One? All these questions answered in "Magical Muggle" Draco/Hermione Harry/Ginny


**Prologue:**

"One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds… twenty… ten… nine- maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him- three… two… one…

 _BOOM._

The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in."

 **Chapter 1 - Yer a wizard, Harry**

A giant of a man burst in the door. Uncle Vernon charged into the room, grasping a rifle in his pudgy hands. He aimed it at the man. "Who are you?!" he yelled, terrified. "Me name's Hagrid, Keeper o' Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts" said the intruder. "I'm here to pick up Harry". Harry was utterly confused, What could this gigantic man have to do with _him_? Uncle Vernon was flabbergasted. Hagrid looked at Dudley, for he thought that he was Harry. "Yer a wizard, Harry". Harry interjected. "But I'm-" Uncle Vernon, seeing an opportunity, interrupted him. "Don't listen to this boy, he's just my younger son. Dudley, get into the other room." The real Dudley got up. "Not you, stupid boy. _Dudley_." Dudley, despite his lack of intelligence, caught on. Vernon grabbed Harry, pushed him into the other room, and closed the door. Harry stayed at the door, listening. Hagrid, looking confused, said "Now what was that all 'bout?" Vernon grasped for words, while Aunt Petunia was in a state of shock, her face pale.

"Oh, he's a dim and impressionable young lad, don't you worry about him. Now what were you saying about Dud- I mean, Harry?" said Vernon. Aunt Petunia jerked out of her shock induced trance. "What are you saying Vernon?!" Aunt Petunia whispered frantically. She was confused. She didn't know why Vernon was switching the boys names. Then she realized. They were going to send Dudley to Hogwarts! At the same time, Harry realized this too. Although he didn't have a clue what Hogwarts was exactly, he had a feeling it would be better than staying with the Dursleys. He despaired, knowing that he would have to return to the cupboard under the stairs. Vernon whispered back. "Think of the _possibilities_ , dear! We will have our very own wizard for a son! When he's learned some, he can make Harry disappear or something! We can send Harry to Stonewall in the meantime!"

"Now what ar' you two whisperin' abou'?" Hagrid said suspiciously. "Oh just our financial status, how we are going to afford this and all" said Petunia quickly. Hagrid laughed. "Ya don't have to pay fer Hogwarts" he said. "He's been signed up ever since he was a tot. His parents were real well off ya know." At this, Hagrid looked saddened. "Shame 'bout Lily an' James, murdered by You-Know-Who an' all."

"Yeah yeah, a shame indeed" said Vernon. All the while, Dudley was contemplating ways he could torment Harry even more, because he was going to a magic school that was supposed to be for Harry. Greedily, he asked, "Will there be good food at this Hogwarts?" "Good food?" Hagrid said incredulously. "The best, fit for Merlin! Now we'd best be on our way, we have to go to Diagon Alley to get yer school things, now what does it say on yer list?"

 **Chapter 2 - Diagon Alley**

Sporting a drawn on scar that Petunia had painted on his forehead before Hagrid realized he didn't have one, Dudley walked uncertainly into the Leaky Cauldron, for muggles couldn't see it. When the pair walked into the dingy bar, heads turned, owing to Hagrid's size. Tom, the bartender said "What'll it be today, Rubeus? And who's this lad taggin' along with ya?" Hagrid looked surprised. "Whaddaya mean Tom? Don't ya recognize Harry Potter?" This caused a mob of patrons to surround Dudley. There were many voices yelling over one another, trying to catch the boy's attention.

"What an honor to meet you, Mister Potter," said a short, thin man. "Names Diggle, Dedalus Diggle." Dudley was overwhelmed. "Yeah, yeah I'm famous I get it. Go away, all of you, I've got things to do and places to be." Everyone was shocked, they expected better from the Boy Who Lived. Hagrid also looked surprised. "Listed here, Harry. You better behave yerself, or you won't be well liked anymore, folks look up to you, so act role model like." Dudley smiled sweetly. "Of course, Mr. Hagrid. I don't know what came over me, I guess I'm just overwhelmed with all this attention all of a sudden."

Hagrid looked put off. "No need to call me mister, Harry. Hagrid is just fine. Now let's go get yer things, we've got a deadline ya know."

As they walked, Dudley thought to ask where they were going. "To Gringotts, o' course," said Hagrid. "What the hell is Gringotts?" asked Dudley. "Its the wizard bank, mind yer language, boy. If you talk like that at Hogwarts you'll get points taken away from yer house"

Dudley didn't know what the houses were, but didn't want to cross Hagrid again.

 **Chapter 3 - Gringotts and Ollivander's**

As they walked down the narrow, cobbled streets, Dudley noticed all kinds of strange and interesting things, and then, of course, pointed rudely at them. "What is that?" he would say, and Hagrid would explain, his voice getting increasingly irritated until he finally snapped, "Yeh know, Harry, this is not the behavior I expected from the Boy Who Lived."

They arrived at a huge white marble building. As they walked up the stairs, Dudley noticed some very strange-looking people. Some very short people. "Goblins" said Hagrid "Very sneaky lil' devils, them. Never cross a goblin, Harry."

The goblins bowed them through the door. They came to another door, this one with a poem on it:

 _Enter, stranger, but take heed_

 _Of what awaits the sin of greed_

 _For those who take, but do not earn,_

 _Must pay most dearly in their turn._

 _So if you seek beneath our floors_

 _A treasure that was never yours,_

 _Thief, you have been warned, beware,_

 _Of finding more than treasure there_

"Wow," said Dudley "Vicious little buggers aren't they?" "Never disrespect a goblin, Harry," said Hagrid. "They'll lock yeh into a safe without letting yeh out, as soon as they'll let yeh in to get yer money." Dudley was a little nervous, and edged away from the nearest goblins. They walked up to a tall desk with an aged goblin teller sitting behind. "Here to open up a Harry Potter's vault, and I also need ter stop at vault 713, top secret Hogwarts business, o' course. Dumbledore trusts me ter do that important like stuff fer him, yeh know," said Hagrid, puffing out his chest importantly.

After Hagrid and Dudley had ridden through Gringotts and obtained their money (and Hagrid's mystery package from vault 713), they were on their way to Madam Malkins Robes for all Occasions to get Dudley robes for school. "Okay," said Hagrid. "It says on yer list yeh need three sets of work robes, they gotta be black, one pointed black hat, ter wear in the daytime, dragon hide gloves, ter protect yer hands, yeh know, and one winter cloak, gotta be black, wit' silver buttons." Dudley was surprised. They wore robes? And black pointed hats? What kind of school was this? "Wait, I don't get to wear whatever I want?"

"O' course not, boy"

Dudley grumbled until they reached Madam Malkin's, when he spotted a boy in the shop who looked about his age. As they walked in, Madam Malkin came to greet them. "I'll be with you in just a moment. You wait by that boy over there."

"Will you be going to Hogwarts as well?" The boy drawled. He had slicked back platinum blond hair and a slightly pointed face. It reminded Dudley vaguely of a snake. "What's it to you?" Dudley retorted rudely. The snake-y boy laughed. "I think we'll get along quite well. Name's Draco, Draco Malfoy. I'm sure you've heard of my family, if you're from any wizarding family at all. Say, what's your surname?" Dudley had no idea who this "Malfoy" family was, and what kind of name was "Draco" anyways? He decided to fake it. "Of course I've heard of your family. Name's Potter. Harry Potter. I think you've probably heard of me." Dudley actually didn't know why his cousin was famous in the first place. Draco was astonished. "Harry Potter?! The Harry Potter? Of course I've heard of you! You defeated You-Know-Who when you were just a baby!" Ah, so that was why his cousin was famous, but who was You-Know-Who? "Of course, you must sit by me and my friends, Crabbe and Goyle, on the Hogwarts Express. What house do you suppose you will be in?" Dudley shrugged, because he had no clue what Malfoy was talking about. Hogwarts Express? Houses? What was all this nonsense? There certainly weren't "houses" at Smeltings. Dudley almost wished he was back at home, so he could continue bullying other kids with Piers. Fortunately, Malfoy didn't pick up on Dudley's ignorance.

While Madam Malkin fitted Dudley, Malfoy rambled on about his family's riches, what he was going to do at Hogwarts, and a pretty girl with bushy brown hair he had spotted near Ollivanders. Madam Malkin stood up. "Well that's you done, dear," she said to Dudley. Malfoy held out his hand to shake Dudleys. "See you at Platform 9 and three quarters, mate," leaving Dudley with yet more questions. He paid for his robes and walked outside. Hagrid was standing outside the shop with two ice cream cones waiting for him. Dudley grabbed his and started licking greedily. "Now, Harry, eat yer cone proper. Yer eleven, boy, not three." Dudley took no notice, and by the end of his ice cream cone, he had most of it on his fat face. This kid's going to have problems at Hogwarts, thought Hagrid, if he doesn't learn how to behave himself.

They arrived at Ollivanders, Dudley's face still a sticky mess. Hagrid was almost ashamed of him. As they neared the shop, Dudley exclaimed "This is where you people get your magic wands? This dump?" Hagrid shook his head. Why was the Boy-Who-Lived so damn spoiled? They walked into the dusty shop. Shelves upon shelves of long, thin boxes rose to the ceiling. No one was there. They sat down. "Hello. You must be Mr. Potter. And Rubeus, a pleasant surprise. I hope you are well?" Hagrid and Dudley started. It was Ollivander. "O' course I'm doin' well, Mr. Ollivander. We'll be needin' a wand for Harry here." They tried wand after wand, with no luck, Ollivander getting increasingly excited. "Curious," he said "Curious." "What's curious?" Asked Dudley. "I wonder," said Ollivander "I might just have the very wand for you"

"Oh, really" said Dudley "let's see it, then" Ollivander gave Dudley a strange look. He had expected better manners from Harry Potter. He went out of sight among the shelves, and returned with a box. He presented it to Dudley. He opened it. Inside there was an ordinary looking wand. "What's so special about this one? It looks exactly the same as the other ones." Ollivander stared incredulously at Dudley. "All the same?" He said, "All the same? Did Voldemort's spell addle your eyes, boy?" Dudley just said, "Can we get on with this?" He picked up the wand. "Holly, eleven inches, Phoenix feather core." Announced Ollivander proudly. "Of my own creation." Ollivander peered at Dudley, as if waiting for something. " Go on, try it out" Dudley waved the wand a little. Since Dudley was related to Harry, he had just a drop of magic in him. A few feeble sparks shot out of the tip of the wand."I had a feeling this one would choose you, but I'm afraid not for the best reasons. You see, this wand has a brother. A wand with a Phoenix feather from the very Phoenix who gave the core for the wand you're holding. That wand is owned by the very wizard who gave you that scar." Dudley was confused for a second. Then he realized that Ollivander was referring to the scar that was drawn on his forehead. He hoped it hadn't smudged. Hagrid smiled slightly. "Well, boy. Yer very first wand. Congrats."


End file.
